The Garden

I never realized that I had become a gardener.
Wait, what?
That's right, I have become a gardener. Pretty amazing when you consider I live in an apartment and don't even HAVE a garden. I know nothing about seeds and planting. I know nothing about tilling soil or fertilizer. Yet I have become a gardener.
Ok, what am I talking about?
Well, I have a child, with another on the way.
I am a father.
Thus, I have a very real garden to attend to.
Our children are very much like a garden. What we plant in them will grow. My daughter copies EVERYTHING I do or say. She thinks like me, acts like me, tries to walk like me, and even tries out all my silly little mannerisms. I have come to realize that I have to be VERY careful when it comes to what I say or do in front of her because she will do the same. My wife always comes down on me about the things I say, most of which I dismiss by saying "Honey, she doesn't understand what that is." or "She's not even listening!"
She is.
She is ALWAYS listening.
We as parents are responsible for everything our children hear, and for what they will become later on. Sure, there are things that are specifically their own, and later in life they will develop their own personality, but right now, in their toddler years, they are completely influenced by us, and this influence will last them a lifetime. It will mold their thinking, shape their decision making abilities, and affect their demeanor.
Remember to tend to your garden everyday. If you plant weeds, weeds will grow. If you plant roses, sunflowers, daisies, and wildflowers, those will grow as well.
Plant wisely.

We are all they have.

Many is the time when my wife and I are tired, sleepy, or busy with one of the many useless things we all occupy our days with that seem so incredibly important (like updating our Facebook status!!), and we have our daughter crawling all over us.
"Dada, fix my dolls dress!"
"Dada, catch me!"
"Dada, I want a snack!"
"Dada, I want Juice!"
"Dada, dada, dada......!!
Heck, sometimes she just walks around the apartment saying "Dada" and nothing else. It drives me up the wall at times, as it does my wife. She gets called on for a lot of things too. I'm sure many parents get to that point where they just want to yell at their kids "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!"
For any expecting or new parents out there, you'll get there.
What I have to do constantly during these 'patience trying' moments is take a step outside myself and look at the situation for what it is.
My child wants my attention.
This is not a bad thing. This is a good thing. After all, I am all she has! Well, she has a mother and grandmothers as well, but you get the point. We as parents are all our children have at this point in their lives. They are not in school yet. They really don't have any friends yet, none that they can see on a day to day basis!! Children who are raised by a baby sitter with five other kids are a different story, but for those of us who choose to raise our children ourselves, this can be a challenge. When they want to play, who do they play with? When they are thirsty, they can't just go into the kitchen, open the fridge and pour themselves a drink... they can't reach the counter top!! So who do they depend on? When they need help with a project they are engaged in, such as trying to take apart or put together their leggo blocks, who is it that they have to ask for help?
Us. Mom and Dad.
I myself have at times told my daughter to go to her room and stay there. I've done it in a nice way "Honey, why don't you go play in your room? I'll put the TV on for you!", but it is still me trying to get rid of her, and I feel like crap afterward. The saying that they grow way too fast is very true. Tomorrow she will be getting married, and I will be looking back, wondering what ever happened to her childhood and regretting not spending more time with her.
So, anytime my daughter wants to play or needs me for something, unless I have been playing with her for an hour and can't catch my breath anymore (which has happened!! lol.), I make the effort to give her as much attention as I can. I understand sometimes we truly are engaged in something that also needs our attention, like an important phonecall or a visitor at the door. However, I find that most of the times I am really not doing ANYTHING. Again, a Facebook quiz or a TV show is NOT important, and should NOT take away from me giving my daughter all the love and attention that she needs. This is an important time in her life where she is a sponge, absorbing all she can about life and her environment. Last thing I want to do is create a hermit who won;t want to give me the time of day down the road when I ask for it.

SuperDad to the rescue!!!

You always hear about how parents rush into their kids' rooms to rescue them from some nightmare. Movies and television often show the parents running in to their screaming child looking concerned, but in control. I myself remember being a kid and yelling for my mom to come into my room in the wee hours of the morning, to chase the boogie man, or El Cuco, as we called him, away. I never stopped to wonder if parents were scared. At three years old, my daughter has called many a night to come to her room, many times scared, and I went in like a general going into battle. Noone or nothing was going to hurt my little girl. "I'll save you, baby!!" was my demeanor. Last night, that all changed.
It was a little after 8PM, and I was sitting with my wife in our dining room, deeply engaged in some forgotten conversation, when we hear the most blood-curdling scream we've ever heard come out of my daughter's room. "WHAT'S THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Being apartment dwellers, we hear knocks and bumps all the time, and my daughter always asks what it is. This time, she was screaming, and it was a prolonged scream.... one which grew louder and more desperate. So, what did I do? The brave general, the man of the house, the King of the castle?
I froze.
That's it. I froze. Albeit, only for a few seconds, but I froze. The noise scared me. I looked at my wife and she looked at me, and we sat there for what seemed like an eternity before running into our daughter's room. I remember being afraid of what I was going to see as I walked in there. Visions of her floating in the room, or being dragged across the floor by an unseen force popped into my head (and here I was thinking Paranormal Activity was a weak movie that didn't really frighten me!!). I also saw her fighting off a strange man who was trying to pull her out the window, clinging by her fingertips to the windowsill, as the masked man tugged and pulled her by her legs. I saw her pop out the window and disappear. These thoughts occurred to me in the time it took me take three steps into her room. Luckily, she was in her bed wondering what that noise was.
Whatever the noise, it obviously left a lasting impression on her, as her heart was beating a mile a minute. After much investigating, I ruled out any paranormal activity or burgler, and revealed the source as some heavy toys that had fallen. We comforted her as best we could, and she eventually went to sleep (after much stalling, of course). However, I was left with a wierd feeling.
Why did I freeze?
Well, because I was scared.
I can't be scared!!
Why not?
Because I'm a father!! Parents are not supposed to be scared of ANYTHING!! We are the ones out little ones look to for guidance and strength. We are the heros in times of fear. We are supposed to make the world seem like a safer place.
How could I be scared!?
I was not scared in front of my daughter, of course. I'm SuperDad. I can handle anything.
However, deep down inside I was frightened, and that is not cool.
The fact that I froze, even for a moment, tells me I still have a long way to go in this crazy world of parenting before I get it right.